The Pain Behind My Smile.

Its gotten to the point that I don't wanna hide the pain ANYMORE!
Everyone wants to know what's wrong but aren't trying to help...
Why ask?

I've truly just sat back & let everything just r i d e...I'm tired of doing that!
Maybe I should just speed up time...
I'm not getting any younger & I would hate to keep living in my mother's house!

The migraines keep coming back because...
I'm thinking , crying & being overwhelmed with the unthinkable!
My life has started to c r u m b l e these past couple of months , right before my eyes...

My health is alright but I keep praying for better...
I came home so I wouldn't have to do this alone but...I still am.
I wonder if I'm getting BETTER or WORSE?!

Over the years we have been through a lot , as a family...
It seems as if I can't do ANYTHING right now & its killing me!
I just wish a lot of things were different...


& I will continue to pray that things can & will get better...in time & with GOD.

Out with thee OLD & in with thee NEW.

Things seem to be trying to work themselves out. I've moved back to Pflugerville and making plans to start working, going to school in the summer and possibly finding someone to occupy my free time ; no ready for a committed relationship yet because I do still love Darwin. We are now 2 hours away but I still feel like we could at least still be friends. Making sure I get better physically is all I am really worried about. I am still abstinent and have been for going on 4 months now; can you say self control? Lol. I don't think I'm going to miss much about Houston but some of the people I met that were [ authentic ], rather than "show and tell friends". My GPA sucked but I am very smart; lost focus is all. I'll be turning 19 this month and I'm really excited and blessed to be seeing yet another year; god's not finish with me yet! Lol. Just got back here (in Pflugerville) last night and I'm already on top of things; putting in job apps and emailing important people about school. 2010 is just starting to me and I am going to make the best of it!

I see a myself t r a n s f o r m i n g into such a beautiful young lady, inside and out. My choice in music has somewhat changed, my style in clothing, I'm really considering not to get any tattoos and I wanna attend both church and bible study; I wanna continue to grow the right way, with a better knowledge of who Christ is. Despite my sickness, I try to stay optimistic and keep the smile that I was blessed with on my face. I wish my brother was here to witness this in the flesh but I know he is watching over and protecting me from harm right along with the angels God has assigned to me. Until next time . . . be blessed.